Anxious, anxious, anxious. Next week I'm traveling home, where I'm only out to two people who I may or may not meet with at all. The thing is, I haven't been back for a year. Last time was pretty early in my transition and I didn't look different at all. Now I do. My mother is already excited how she's going to "fix that awful hair" and I don't think she'd be thrilled at all about the rest of my style either. While she doesn't get to dictate how I look, I also don't want to be confrontational. So I'm preprating to be in girlmode at least part-time. I've already shaved a year's worth of body hair...

While I can't bring myself to wear dresses and blouses, I dug up a couple of jumsuits that are femme enough for her, and queer enough for me. After trying them on with a bold purple lipstick I actully even enjoyed the gender bending bit. It was fun to see myself like that. I can do it! But then I tried my  menswear to see if I can feminize it sufficiently, and folks... I LIKE IT SO MUCH BETTER! I LIKE BEING A MAN! I LIKE LOOKING LIKE A MAN! And yes, I like being a weird effeminate man, and I like the genderfuckery of dressing like a man while still wearing the purple lipstick. I like wearing my violet chinos and my shirt with violet tigers and JUST BASKING IN MY QUEER TRANSMASC GLORY, OKAY???

These are going to be two tough weeks.