So after the depressive crisis drama of the last few weeks or so, earlier this week I took the executive decision not to wait until I can get a doctors appointment, and to go ahead and temporarily up the dose of antidepressants I take. It was an informed decision - I've been on the higher dose before and for quite a long time too, so I was pretty sure it was unlikely to mess me up. And hallelujah!!! Five blessed days without wild mood swings and I'm actually feeling like a human being who can take direction over their life. I actully have the faculty again to perform preventative self-care as opposed to flapping wildly and drowning in the vortex of my own thoughts and dysphoria.