I have to admire how efficient my brain is in compacting issues to work though during R.E.M sleep. It managed to roll into one very exhausting dream: the trauma of academia, the trauma of transition, relationship insecurity, current job distress, the discomfort of being disliked, the fear of loss of control over my life, and general shame for being shit at fencing 👍
Though I can't speak to some of the more specific concerns, I can say I believe you are quite well liked here. I, like many others, are rooting for your happiness. You deserve it: period.
That's an incredibly kind thing to say <3 Thank you <3