Life update
CW: cancer
Month and a half in post-diagnosis, I haven't started treatment, because the hospital forgot me and I fell off the planning. :/ Now it looks like I'll start treatment in November. Meanwhile I'm chillin' with a tumor that a month ago was 12 cm at the smallest part and it keeps growing. More than 12 lymph nodes affected. Stage 3c. I don't know what is going to happen with me. Every bruise makes me fear it has spread to the bone marrow. Every lightheadedness makes me fear it's moved to the brain. And I've lost all hope for ever starting medical transition.
there's not much I can do. I'm sorry and I want you to know that somewhere in the world there is someone who is rooting for you and keeping their fingers crossed for you.
I understand depression. start treatment. force yourself to do it. you can do it! you are not alone
Thank you for rooting for me; it means a lot *hugs*
Oddly enough I am not depressed (yet). I feel frustrated and scared from the delay, and I feel frustrated to not have control over the situation, because I am fully mobilised to fight for my life but I am entirely dependent on the hospital to do their job. The only thing I can do is to continue working out, because it is proven to make chemo easier. And I am still in therapy, so I got that going, at least :)
I'm sorry to read it, too, and for what it's worth I'm happy to add another couple of crossed fingers....
Thank you, I appreciate all the crossed fingers in my life right now <3
I am glad you are already in therapy!
HRT wise, I guess you can only do what you are doing now: still showing up and get all the paperwork and stuff done.
And I get the frustration of this being in the hands of other ppl feeling. It's hard enough with HRT on it's own but I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to have multiple medical stuff going on were you have zero control.
I am rooting for you! Either way it sucks. and I hope you have all the support you need!
Oh blood fucking NO! How unfair can life be?! I am supremely angry at whatever is making our life's decisions. I will cross even my toes for you